Akanksha Arora • 17 Jul 2024
Expert Shares A Full Proof Way To Stop Being A People Pleaser
Expert Shares A Full Proof Way To Stop Being A People Pleaser. (Image credits: iStock)
Being a people pleaser means having a strong urge to please others, even at your own expense. Basically, it is a personality trait, which can often be very problematic for oneself. While people can make a balanced choice to do favors for others, an individual with people-pleasing tendencies will always find it hard to say no. They may agree to things they do not want or not able to do.
Dr Daniel Amen, a double board-certified psychiatrist and brain-imaging researcher in California, took to his social media handle and shared tips on how to stop being a people pleaser. "I’ve had this problem my whole life," the psychiatrist said. He further added, "I am the middle [child] — third of seven children. I was completely irrelevant. Middle children often are peacemakers because we get it from the older ones, and the younger ones are favored.”
Dr Amen instructed people to keep his 18-40-60 rule in mind. "When you’re 18, you worry about what everybody’s thinking of you,” Amen explained. “When you’re 40, you don’t give a damn what anybody thinks about you. And when you’re 60, you realize nobody’s been thinking about you at all.” He mentioned how people worry and think about themselves, and not others.
“Rather than just say yes because you’re a people pleaser, go, ‘Let me think about it, and I’ll get back to you,'” Amen advised. “And in your mind, go, ‘Does this fit the goals I have for my life?’ And if it does, do it. And if it doesn’t, just say, ‘Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t do it.'”
Signs that you are a people pleaser
In case you are someone who has the trait, you will experience the following things:- Find it hard to say no to requests
- Regularly take on extra work even if you don't have the bandwidth
- Often overcommit to plans
- Avoid disagreeing with people
- Go along with things they are not happy
- Avoid creating friction
What makes you a people pleaser?
More than a diagnosis, people pleasing is a label. Some of the factors that might lead you to behaving like this could be:- Low self-esteem: People who feel they are worth less than others may feel their needs are unimportant. They may advocate less for themselves.
- Anxiety: Some people may attempt to please others because they feel anxious about fitting in, rejection, or causing offense.
- Conflict avoidance: People who are afraid of conflict, or feel they must avoid it, may use people-pleasing as a way to prevent disagreements.