Most people who lose touch with their old friends – the ones you grew up with or made besties as college students, once left behind can never be the same again. According to a study by Lara Aknin and Gillian Sandstrom, published in Communications Psychology, people are surprisingly reluctant to reach out to old friends, despite the proven benefits of social connections to their mental health. This is especially true as most drift apart from a once-close companion due to various life circumstances.

The study, however, suggests there may be ways to help close that gap again.

The study

According to Aknin and Sandstorm, who set out the studies in two parts to establish how interested people were in reconnecting with old friends, had over 500 participants, based in the UK, US, and Canada. The participants were asked how willing they would be to reach out to an old friend via phone, text, or email on several occasions, as well as what was stopping them from reconnecting.

More than 90 per cent admitted to having lost touch with a friend, suggesting it is a universal experience. Yet, most said they were not too interested in reconnecting, citing concerns that the friend may not want to hear from them or that it may be awkward to contact.

Researchers also noted that the self-report nature of this first study might not capture real-life beliefs and actions, so, the other two parts of the study looked at actual behaviour.

For parts three and four of the study, which involved 453 and 604 participants, respectively, participants said they had an old friend they would be happy to reconnect with, had contact information for, and who they thought might want to hear from them. As part of the study, experimenters prompted them to imagine reaching out to said friend with a brief 'hello' message.

Researchers said despite repeated promptings, only a third of participants made contact with each other.

The next few studies therefore looked at exactly why people fail to reach out, and more specifically at how people view their old friends. One, in which 288 participants rated their willingness to engage in eight everyday activities, including texting an old friend or talking to a stranger, indicated that participants were no more willing to reach out to an old friend than they were to talk to someone they'd never met.

In another, many participants also reflected upon the closeness and familiarity of lost friends, people were again less likely to reach out to those who felt less familiar. According to researchers, the findings underscore just how reluctant we are to reach out to people we were once close with, even though it may feel better to do so.

And so, the next time next time you wonder if that old friend wants to hear from you, maybe take that chance. You never know what life has in store for you.

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